Ya'll this has been a crazy year for me. I apologize for my almost year hiatus. I have been met with many personal challenges this year that have just about broken me. I persevere, I am keeping the promise I made to myself to shut up, show up and usher in the gifts of the universe. I have had to fight myself everyday just to make it back to this point. I lost myself a couple of times and I feel I am still at risk of losing myself again; but I am also forcing myself to evolve. I am forcing myself to grow and break free of my ego as if my life depends on it because I truly feel like it does.
I have had to journey back to my basics and remind myself of how to connect to my higher self. This is what I have learned so far:
First let's discuss the Ego in terms of spirituality. Most people hear Ego and think of pride, arrogance, conceit, etc. Which is part of what the Ego can be but in terms of spirituality the Ego is your false self, your shadow self, the self acting like a total asshole. The Ego is the driver behind your self sabotage. It's the reason you ruin relationships, or get fired from jobs, or feel like you are not deserving of nice things. It operates according to your limiting false beliefs, your comfort zones and subconscious. Your Ego is reactive, fear-based and extremely committed to keeping you stuck. It is the reason you never "just go for it", the reason you desperately seek validation from others and most importantly it is the reason you feel you are not living to your fullest potential.
The Ego can be dangerous, especially when you are trying to break free of it's confines. As I said, it is VERY committed to keeping you stuck. It will do everything in it's power to make you second guess your decision. Literally everything will go wrong and your universe will feel like it is falling apart right in front of you. That is because it is. If you can survive the war your Ego will rage against you, you will see that your universe will fall back in place to an even greater version than previously thought possible. Everything on this Earth is just energy, vibration and frequency. That's important; because it means that the Earth is fluid. We can literally create anything from it, if we tap into the right frequencies.
The next thing I want to talk about is the subconscious. I often refer to the subconscious as your blueprint. This is because as children we have what are called the formidable years. These years happen from birth to age 7 in which we operate totally from the subconscious. We are little computers at this point in time taking in every bit of information and operating from a true primal state. This is why toddlers have melt downs and newborns don't actually smile at us they are just passing gas. We do not enter consciousness until about age 7, this is when we start making connections to the world we live in. This is when we start seeking validation and start creating walls, forming road blocks around our creative, free, non-limited mind. Your blueprint is where you Ego receives its information. Most times your conscious and your subconscious do not match. For example, if you grew up in a dysfunctional household where hearing your parents fight was a constant, maybe you even witnessed them take a jab at one another here and there. Your subconscious took that in and labeled it as normal. That is now, according to your blueprint, what relationships should look like. As an adult, you find yourself in abusive relationships be it physical, emotional or financial. Your conscious tells you this is not how it is suppose to be. You do not need to stay in this, you are deserving of a loving relationship. The conscious thought clashes with what your subconscious is telling you is true and your subconscious governs everything about you without you even knowing it. Powerful stuff. This is why being "woke", or "awake", or present is so important for our survival. When you become conscious of the stories your subconscious is feeding you can begin to change the script in your head and live the life you want to be present for.
It's a journey I will tell you that right now, it is by no means easy and it is extremely painful; but damn is it worth it. Happy healing, I hope to hear from you soon.